The Gay Sex Theory and How I Insulted the Christian Benefit Dinner

I was going to start off this blog with a boring diatribe about work and health care because I became so incensed with rage at the goings on in Corporate America today. However, before I was done writing, cooler heads prevailed and I went out to dinner with my wife’s father and grand-father.

Our mutual chiropractor was grilling down at the local Mongo Grill (Mongolian Barbeque for those not familiar with Amok slang).

I received the emails all week and knew what was going on, so I failed to open them. It is not until after downing my first plate, being the oblivious person that I am; that I realize this was a Christian benefit dinner for a local Christian private school. I thought it was just some self promotion on the part of my chiropractor, which I was cool with. I was in it for the food (Living Fat anyone?). But, there I am without cash, chowing down at a benefit dinner. Luckily my father-in-law spotted me five bucks and the evening was saved…

…Until I put my foot in my mouth.

Here’s the situation. I am informed of a news story by my wife’s grandfather, two airline pilots over shoot their final destination by 150 miles. The excuse given? They were too distracted by their laptops to notice.

Let me preface this by saying that I am not and never will be an airline pilot. But logic dictates that the radio must be blaring, lights and buzzers must be going off, and all hell must be breaking loose in that cockpit because they are so far off course. So this means you expect me to believe the 13 inch laptop screen in front of them is distracting them from all of that? No freaking way.

My father-in-law says something to the effect of, “Maybe they were sleeping?” Well, my response is, two pilots sleeping with those lights and buzzers going off? Alarm clocks anyone? Again, no freaking way.

Then it hits me like a brilliant idea cast down from heaven and inserted in my mind by the almighty himself.

Those two pilots were attaining carnal knowledge of each other and didn’t care how far off course they were. All the while, having a plane filled with 147 passengers.

Now, keep in mind, this whole time I am rambling on and on at the top of my lungs what I think at the time is a brilliant theory, while seated between two family tables at a Christian benefit dinner. I felt, and still feel, like a complete ass. I didn’t mean to be rude or insulting, to Christians or homosexuals, it just kind of happened. Nowhere in my genetic makeup is a gene that makes me rude. In fact, in most situations, I am the shyest person in the room. I don’t know what it was; I just had to voice my theory and chose to do it in the wrong place, at the wrong time. I am, and always will be, an oblivious dufus.

If that isn’t some Amok action going on, I don’t know what is.



Now for an installment of what we will call:

CHUCK AMOK’S GEEKDOME:

In this segment of the blog, we will talk (or rather I will write) about shit that excites me to no end; mainly, comics, movies, and just sheer geekiness.

Those of you who know me best know that I am a huge fan of Kevin Smith and his View Askewniverse. One of my favorite people in Askewniverse is Jason Mewes. He is the Jay to Kevin’s Silent Bob.

He is also one of the great stories of sobriety. He became addicted to heroin in his early twenties and remained addicted until the age of 29, in 2003. While trying to get sober, his mother, also a heroin addict, died of complications due to AIDS in 2002. (Source: Wikipedia)

What triggered me to think of him today was getting the chance to listen to his first podcast, titled, “MewesCast” and produced by Quick Stop Entertainment.

Yes it is a little scattered and unpolished, but I have high hopes for a truly funny and strong individual.

Here’s a big shout out to my man, Jason Mewes, “Snoochie Boochies”!

SHAMELESS PROMOTIONS I MAKE ON THE PART OF OTHER PEOPLE:

Again, check out www.kaptainmyke.com (trust the Kaptain)
I will be promoting until after Christmas, or until Mike gives me a cease and desist order.

I am also disappointed that people did not comment on www.tomsshoes.com

When someone does something good for the world, lets talk about it people!

That’s it for today’s post of:
Chuck Amok on the World, Life, and Living Fat

I can be reached on facebook or email me at sorrellcharles@yahoo.com

(Hopefully there are no typos in this one)